Lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, journaling and studying about why some people are incredibly successful in being well-known in their fields while others struggle. Here’s the thing: It has nothing to do with who is smarter. Rather, it has to do with this core idea:

People who are the most successful and feel the most successful get out of their own darn way.

I see this loud and clear in my clients and I’ve most certainly seen this in myself. Here’s a case in point:

My tendency is to get so deep into my head that I over-think things sometimes. That problem has led to decisions that have gone against my intuition or my values of “play” and “fun.” The decisions I’ve made when I’m only in my head have always come back to haunt me. It leads to painful costs – financially and emotionally.

Ick.

So it’s really important to be able to recognize when you are getting in your own way so you can learn to stop it and move forward with more grace and ease.

If you need some help to recognize how you may be getting in your own way, here are some ways I’ve noticed others holding themselves back. See if you can find a clue to something that may be holding you back, even unintentionally, so you can begin to feel more grace and ease in your life and business:

1. Inaction or procrastination. Does it take you forever to make even the smallest decision? For example, one of my clients wanted to write a book for years but hadn’t taken any steps to make it happen. After acknowledging that it truly was important to her and finding out what was stopping her, she started her book and published it within a few months.
2. Self-doubt. This may show up as needing to get everyone’s opinion on something like a book title or headshot selection or printing vendor before making a decision.
3. Jealousy. For example, if you are a speaker and feel envious when you see another person’s success on the speaking circuit, this may be an issue for you. One of my clients really felt jealous of a woman in her field. She tried to spend our coaching time telling me all about this woman and why she was so terrible. This restrictive thinking and behavior was holding her back from owning what was unique and special about her. She was stuck in feeling jealous and not focusing on what really mattered – reaching those who need her by owning what she uniquely brought to the table.
4. Obsessive behavior or thoughts. Can’t let an issue go? I can guarantee it’s stopping you from moving on in some way. See #3.
5. Self-pity. I’ve had many clients say something like this: “Oh I’ll never be or look as good on TV as her so why should I even try?” Seriously? If you want it bad enough, you take time to learn and practice. Nobody gets better by having a pity party that lasts forever. You do get better by creating a strategy to do so. For example, my clients practice their talking points, practice being interviewed, and have even hired image consultants. Then they get up and just do it and get better every time.
6. Neediness. If you have the need for others to “hold you up” constantly, you are giving away your power instead of owning it.
7. Waiting for clarity. Here’s the thing about clarity: The way to clarity is through action. It’s not about waiting for it. Once you start taking action, you’ll have a better understanding of the issue at hand. Sure, you’ll get some bumps and bruises along the way, but you already know that being an entrepreneur guarantees you a boo-boo here and there. So don’t wait. Just take action. The way to clarity comes through action.
8. Telling yourself you’re too busy. This may show up as consistently being late for appointments, cancelling meetings at the last minute and generally not being prepared for things because you are ‘too busy.” We all have moments like this, but it is a problem when it becomes what you are known for.

So now it’s your turn. How do you get in your own way? Once you recognize this in yourself, you can start to probe around and find out what’s really going on. Once you understand these patterns in your life, you can stop yourself when you are spiraling into your self-defeating behavior.

© 2013 Meredith Liepelt, Rich Life Marketing